I apologize for the tardiness of my post, but I am going to double whammy it tonight and pair up for the last two sermons.
This week I had a lecture on how to interact with others facing grief and loss. At one point, my professor mentioned John 11: Jesus comes to see Lazarus, who has just died. The Scriptures read, "When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in his spirit and greatly troubled. And he said, 'Where have you laid him?' They said to him, 'Lord, come and see.' Jesus wept. So the Jews said, 'See how he loved him!" (John 11:33-36). When he saw their pain, he could have fixed it; he could have raised Lazarus and ended their mourning. But instead, he chooses to enter into their grief and mourn with them. He weeps. He is not just near, he is with us in any and every circumstance. He is with us in our emotions; he understands; he chooses to listen; he chooses to care; he chooses to know us; he chooses us. It is in his nearness that he makes his presence known by wanting his people to feel heard and close to him more than wanting to make the circumstances better.
So often I don't know how to respond to the truth that Jesus is near. I cannot grasp the proximity of nearness; it seems like an intangible distance, an ambiguous measurement. How can I possibly experience the Lord's comfort, yet not be able to explain of define what nearness means? I am still wrestling with what that looks like, but, as David says, I know that his rod and staff comfort me. I know that you are my Shepherd, Lord. I know and believe who you say you are. I see you in this world you created and in the people you made in your image. I know you by how you manifest yourself in all that is good, acceptable, worthy, honorable, peaceable. Physical indication affirm who I know you to be and they bring me comfort, contentment, because I can attach myself then to belonging to you.
Abba, help me respond to your nearness. That in your nearness, I need not shy away, nor hide what is repulsive. For it is in my poverty that you chose to come to me. In my sin, you know me fully and really do love me. I am consistently amazed by how you love. Thank you for giving us you, a gift you never intended to be repaid for and continue to give of yourself more and more.
Paulina, your tension of knowing that God is near, but not truly grasping what that means or what to do with it reminds me of the disciples who so often didn't know what Jesus really meant. We could never really know unless God illuminates the meaning of the nearness in our lives. I feel that tensions all the time in theology classes. I am grateful for the freedom to say I don't know how to explain it and also a God who will show me what it means!
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