Given that DJ's main focus has been/will be on trust - this is the most recent box I had "checked" and thought that I was done with. (Haha - that's a funny story...definitely not done yet! =D) Darrell's third point really hit home with this. Faith is a decision every day. Trusting God is a decision every day. I keep telling myself that it's a one-time-thing, or maybe something that I need to focus on when I am really in need of him to come through for me - but every day? Every morning and afternoon? Every moment of every day? That seems like so much.
Another part of this sermon that stuck out to me was Darrell's comments on Lot and why Abram kept him along. Ultimately the conclusion was that Abram was engineering God's call. And no...it didn't stick out just because he mentioned engineering. It stuck out because I had to genuinely ask myself if I was doing the same thing. Am I trying to engineer God's call on my life? And the scarier part is that I think the answer is yes. I don't really know what that means, or the implications of it. But I'm comforted by God's response to Abram throwing himself onto himself... "But the Lord..." I'm comforted by knowing that I love and serve "Yahweh to the rescue". I'm comforted by knowing that the Lord can intervene even when I really blow it. I'm comforted by the grace that God pours out on me. I'm comforted by knowing that God's plan is the only unthwartable one.
As I'm writing these things, I'm asking myself - am I really comforted by those things? Or am I just writing them because I know I should? Yes, I know that God's plan is unthwartable - but if he ends up calling me to SLO for the summer (or somewhere else for that matter) - will I still believe it? Will I still believe that it was God's unthwartable plan? All I want to do right now is make it work. I want to throw myself on myself and figure out a way (read: engineer a plan) to make sure I'm on the water again this summer. Honestly, that's still my knee-jerk reaction when I think about the summer. And it's so contrary to everything that I heard in this sermon...three times! (yes, I listened to it three times!) God, help me to throw myself completely on you in the face of the unknown.
This whole trust thing is really hard for me. I think I'm starting to get more of a glimpse of the root of that statement, but I'll save that for another blog. :) These studies always seem to come at the perfect time, and I am blessed to be in it with a team of people supporting me and loving me every step of the way.
So much truth to your post, Katy. Sometimes it seems so difficult to discern what He is actually calling us to do. When I was talking to Reid last month, we were discussing how if God wants us to do one thing or another, He needs to blatantly tell us what He wants from us, otherwise I'm going with what I feel is right... And, I think about your situation: so, what if they want you to continue to work for the company beyond December, but they have all these other conditions, and so on and so forth. It becomes, "Hold on, God, so... are you calling me to the water again... or....?" I think what DJ is saying is that we then tend to act out of fear. You may then panic and think, "This is not one of the options I was expecting to have to deal with, so what do I do now???" And God just tells us to wait. Don't make your own decision. Just wait, I will lead you where I'm calling you. BUT, even as I type this, I think about my own situations and I'm thinking: "Okay, but if all of the sudden X, Y, or Z happened, then would I still believe in what I am writing here in this post?" And then I start to panic, and then both of us are sitting here worrying...
ReplyDeleteBut, in that moment, I think God would grab us both by the shoulders and say, "Katy, Josh, I got this. Just wait."
Thanks for your vulnerability, Katy! Your openness allows me to deal with the fears and worries I face and pushes me to a closer reliance on Him.
Katy - Josh....you guys crack me up! Reading Katy's post and Josh your response flashed me back to selling candy two summers ago with you guys. Katy I love your vulnerability and Josh I love your encouragment. Oh the great tension that is following Jesus.
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