Celebration May 5th.

If you haven't already circled, stared, asterisked, highlighted, (or whatever else you do when you read something awesome and full of truth) today's devotional please do so!!!!  It just might be the "Key" to your whole summer experience on the water.

-Reid

Week 8

“When they threw God’s claim off their lives, they were not free.  No one is ever free when that happens.  They had now become slaves to their impulses and slave to their drive."

I feel like every day I am able to convince myself that I am better off without Christ. I am more free, I know what is best for my life and I am more in control when I don't allow myself to sit before the throne. Sometimes it amazes me how good I am at telling lies to myself. I do whatever I can to ease my guilt. 

Yet like Andy reminded me in his post, discipline = freedom. He came so that we might have life, and life to the full! Why would I run away from the freedom that is offered in Christ!? Freedom in Christ means my shame no longer defines me and I can be a completely honest person because I do not rely on the opinions of others to validate who I am.

I refuse this because I fail to believe that it could possibly be true. I still hold on to the thought that if I just read my Bible more I won't struggle with lust. If I just pray harder I won't judge people. I don't allow the reality of Christ dying on the cross to remove my sins as far as the East is from the West to seep into my life. 

God I pray that you would continue to engrain the truth of your character in me, that I wouldn't shy away from issues or topics that scare me because I am afraid of offending you. That you would help me keep the main thing the main thing. 

Encouragement for this Weekend. :)

Hi friends - I just wanted to drop by and say that I will be thinking about and praying for you guys this weekend at the retreat.

I hope it's a time where you guys as a team can continue to throw yourselves on the God of the universe, giving up your own expectations of the summer, and surrendering to His calling on your life in this season. I hope it's a time where you guys continue to walk this journey of vulnerability and authenticity with each other that started on this blog just a few weeks ago. I hope it's a time that is challenging and encouraging in more ways than you think possible. I'm praying that God would give you guys a united vision for what He's been doing, what He is doing, and what He's going to do in and around you guys this summer.

You all are stepping into a beautiful experience. One that is fun. One that is new. One that is exciting. An experience you will never forget. But it's also one that is hard. One that is nerve-wrecking. One that can be painful. And in the "hard", the nerves, the pain, the joy, the excitement - you will see God move in ways you'd never imagine.

I'm excited watch you guys grow as a team over the next few months, starting with the retreat this weekend and continuing to trainings and through the summer.

Be blessed this weekend! I'll be thinking about you guys a ton. :) Love you guys.

Week 9 - Apocalyptic Slug -- "No One Comes to the Father Except Through Me" --

"Apart from me, you can do nothing."  John 15:5.

"I can do nothing on my own. I judge as God tells me. Therefore, my judgment is just, because I carry out the will of the one who sent me, not my own will." - John 5:3

"So Jesus said to them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, the Son can do nothing of his own accord, but only what he sees the Father doing. For whatever the Father does, that the Son does likewise."  - John 5:19


Jesus answered, "I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. - John 14:6

This message pushed me to throw myself on God.  John 14:6 definitely came to mind while listening to the Moriah story.

Jesus says that no one comes to the Father except through Him.  Jesus' words created the connection for me that Abraham's journey was both a [#1] - major divine shove in the back *(see footnote) so that Abraham would throw himself on God while (John 14:6) [#2]  unconsciously ** (see footnote) but certainly with massive, thoroughgoing SYMBOLISM coming to the Father through the Son.

*Footnote - I prefer in place of "divine shove in the back" the phrase "an apocalyptic slug to the soul."  God gives Abraham an apocalyptic soul smack so that Abraham would see clearly the unveiling of God's love for Him through God's son leading him to the cross and through the cross to His father's heart poured out in sacrificial love for Him and all creation." (Revelation 13:8 - the lamb slain from the foundation of time.)

God smacks Abraham's soul on Mt. Moriah so that Abraham could take a thick, slurpy suck of what it means to "COME TO THE FATHER THROUGH THE SON."  I can hear God saying to Abraham, "Hey Abraham, you really want to step into the mystery of this abundant blessing?...... then take a suck of this" .... Jesus from my very heart, sacrificed for you, and in sacrificial obedience to His Father, leading you, Abraham, to the Father... me. 



** Footnote -- Maybe Abraham was conscious of Jesus leading him with Isaac to the father at all times in the story.  Whether consciously or sub-consciously, or unconsciously, I admit that in my case it would be absolutely for sure 100% UNCONSCIOUSLY :)!  So wrapped in my own emotional devastation of sacrificing Kyle I'd be clueless that in my brokenness Jesus was gently leading me to His good Father (John 14:6) and that the spirit was groaning my despondent weakness in words more profound and perfect than my language allows (Romans 8:26.)  I would be utterly detached to the truth that in my abandoned desolation I was actually swimming in God's presence (Acts 17:28) with an unfailing, radiant advocate (Hebrews 1:3) who upholds every fiber in my being by His word of power (Colossians 1:17) and perfectly acquaints himself with my sorrow and weakness (Isaiah 53:4 and Hebrews 4:15.)


So, with that introduction, I am executing Throw Back Thursday privilege and re-posting a blog I wrote several years ago when contemplating the emotional toll of sacrificing my first born son.

"Even when communities are functioning well in terms of their own inner dynamics, there is no guarantee that the results will be healthy." - (32, Simply Christian, Wright - Page 32.)

Reid and I were just sharing at lunch today how as Christ's disciples we should expect Christ to enter our micro-communities at church, Sonshine, and small groups and interject the same question he uttered to his disciples in John 6:63 "Aware that his disciples were grumbling about this, Jesus said to them, "does this offend you?"

Christ offends my communities by continuing to pushing me to (John 6) a position of body broken and blood shed. He offends me into a healthy community by humiliating me into humility through His model (the cross) and His appeal to me to follow His example (the cross) in relating.

Like Abraham, God delicately and insidiously haunts me with His promise to lead me to Mt. Moriah. The stench, the terror, the gore of slaughter and sacrifice weighs heavy on my heart. With chest heaving I'm pushed.

He nudges me to the threshold of mental insanity and moral chaos.

The blade is in my pocket. I'm fidgeting the steel. My son is helplessly sprawled before. I'm desperate. Defeated. I've surrendered all knowlege of the good. No moral code remains. I've abandoned all knowledge of good and all knowledge of evil. Self-trust is annihilated. God kill me. Crucify me. Do anything.

God's trust, redemption, body broken, and blood shed explodes from the cross (and from the Father's own heaving heart) through space and time and fills my despondent heart with life, light, truth, and grace.

For a moment, I've trusted THE GOOD over my knowledge of the good. For a moment, I've been offended into gospel.

Phew. I'm tired. I feel dead. Recreate me Jesus. Please put your Faith in my heart. I can't do this. Live in me. By grace give me the power, wisdom, and compulsion to trust you always.

Week 8 – The Tyranny of Our Own Desires

“When they threw God’s claim off their lives…they were not free.  No one is ever free when that happens.  They had now become slaves to their impulses and slave to their drive. They were slaves to their greed...”

 Discipline = freedom.  This famous Sonshine phrase kept running through my mind as I listened to this part of the sermon.  How dangerous it is when we (read I), like the people of Sodom, want things done our way, right now, no excuses. This is not freedom, this is jail!  When I have become slave to my own drive, desires, and the biggie…expectations, I have limited my grace to others and closed my ears to the reality and voice of God.   If I have the discipline to wait, discern, listen, and pay attention, I am suddenly free and open to God’s plan, I absorb God’s grace to give to others, and I have gained the ability to let things go.

The other day I was reading about and reflecting upon my own classroom management system when I read this quote from a research study:

“Consistently enforced limits, make children feel safe and secure.  Clear limits, actually make a child feel happier and safer.”  Finally, hearing the word “no” rescues children from the “tyranny of their own desires.”   

“The tyranny of their own desires.”  This phrase ties in SO well to what was happening in Sodom and what happens in my own life.  Lord, thank you for rescuing me, time and again, from the tyranny of my own desires!!  Discipline = Freedom!

“What human beings do matters to God…The greatest anger of all is when God is no longer angry when we sin….When God is no longer angry when we sin it means he has gotten complacent and doesn’t care.  The God who stands before Abraham takes Himself and us seriously.” 

Thank you for caring, Lord!  Thank you that you abhor sin! Thank you that you set limits for us and tell us “no” because you care for us and love us.  Thank you for saving us from our own desires.  Thank you for loving justice! 

“The Holy One takes time to thoroughly investigate a situation before acting…God’s judgments are well-weighed and perfectly informed.” 

This statement brought me relief.  I know that the judge of all the Earth will do right.  I can rest in that.  

The One took the place of the many”  “The cross of Jesus Christ is both God’s relentless love for sinners and God’s relentless hatred of sin...The cross is simultaneously God’s mercy and God’s judgment.”  

AMEN!! This statement and truth is so massive, it is truly hard to wrap my head around it.  I don’t know if I will ever fully comprehend the magnitude of this meeting and colossal crash of mercy and judgment in the greatest act of love the world has ever known. 

Here is our King

Here is our love

Here is our God who's come

To bring us back to Him

He is the One

He is Jesus

Week 7 - Existing in the Presence of a Living God

This week I have the chance to give the message at our college ministry. The passage is from Mark 9, and it’s about Jesus teaching his disciples that in order to be the greatest we must become the least. I’m telling a story about this one time my mikey flooded when I was pumping out….some of you may remember this glorious moment and I’m sharing about stooping lower. Anyway, this passage has been on my mind nonstop these past couple weeks so while listening to Week 7 I was thinking about the parallels between Mark 9 and Genesis 18.

Part of the passage in Mark 9 shows the disciples having a conversation about who among them is the greatest, which is what prompts Jesus into telling them that in order to be the greatest, we actually are to become the least. This is what came into my mind when DJ was talking about the strangers showing up at Abraham and Sarah’s house, and the moment Sarah becomes aware that she exists in the presence of a Living God. In Mark 9, Jesus asks the disciples what it is that they were talking about, but they don’t answer. Until Jesus exposes the true nature of the conversation, it’s not that big of a deal. Things are shed in a different light when the Living God is standing before us. Shouldn’t things always be shed in a different light then??

“We cannot hide our inner thoughts from the one who is moving in our midst.” Sarah tries to hide her inner thoughts, her inward chuckle of sorrow, from the Living God. The disciples try to hide their conversation about greatness from the Living God. When I live in fear of Jesus revealing the true nature of my heart I feel like I’m living a counterfeit life. Even though I realize it’s impossible to hide anything, I’m afraid of the authenticity that comes with constantly existing in the presence of a Living God. My prayer is that by trusting Jesus, I am able to give him reign over the self-indulgent practices of my own heart that I am trying to hide from him. 

Kristallnacht!

At the unofficial beginning of WWII in 1938, the Nazis raided Jewish Housing units and stores. Kristallnacht comes from the shards of broken glass that littered the streets after Jewish-owned stores, buildings, and synagogues had their windows smashed.

I'm sure you have all heard Alabaster by Rend Collective Experiment, but DJ's sermon immediately reminds me of these lyrics:

I am broken at Your feet
Like an alabaster jarEvery piece of who I amLaid before Your majesty
I will bow my life
At Your feetAt Your feetMy lipsSo lost for wordsWill kiss Your feetKiss Your feet
Oh the gravity of YouDraws my soul unto its knees I will never be the sameI am lost and found in You.

Sodom & Gomorrah were destroyed because God was unable to find at least ten righteous people throughout the entire city.  Upon a bit of research I found one source that estimated the population of these two cities to approximately 1200 and another 4000.  That's .008% and .0025% of the population that God would have needed to find as upright in order to save the city.  But, according to DJ, God, actually, only needed one! .0008% and .00025% respectively!  That's crazy! 

What if God spoke to Sonshine in a similar fashion?  Unless I find one of your staff members/volunteers righteous, I'm going to blow this place up into smithereens!  And, I think, thank God for the Cross.  But, then I also think, well hey, I think many of us can attest to a season (or MANY seasons) at Sonshine where we felt like God had blown us up, fragmented us, and left us in pieces.  

So what's left?  As we are broken "at Your feet, like an alabaster jar, every piece of who [we are], laid before your Majesty.  [We] will bow our lives at your feet... [Our] lips so lost for words will kiss Your feet."  Sounds entirely reminiscent of a summer on the water. We become so broken that we literally have no where else to turn, but to His feet / the foot of the Cross.

I so often think I have it all together and forget my utter / complete brokenness.  In these times (which are often and more likely constant), I need to ensure I am just taking one of my broken pieces and laying it before Him, but wrapping up all the shards in my arms, as bloody as I may become, and lay them down, at His feet.

Depth check!

"Did you ever wonder why Abraham stopped at 10?" When I heard this phrase I said "NO" out loud as I laughed.  I thought to myself, "Why would I ever wonder that?" As Darrell unpacks the rest of the story (sorry for the late post by the way!), insecurity began to rear its ugly face as I wondered, "Is there something wrong with me that I don't ask questions like this?" I feel like I'm missing out on so much depth and meaning by not thinking critically about the scriptures. Thinking about the depth of faith Abraham had, I'm reminded that the depth didn't come overnight. It is inspiring to me that Abraham asks that question and then continues to push the number down until he reached 10 people.

"Abraham stopped at 10 because he had sufficient answer to his question." The relationship between God and Abraham was so special. When Darrell talks about the 1 human being who is worthy, it brought tears to my eyes.  God desires to know and be known by us.  The God of the universe desires for me (not picturing him sitting "on the pile of rose petals, passing out daisies," but with a battle ax and a war cry) to know HIM.  That is the Great God that I want to know! That is the God that I want to have a deep relationship with. The Holy Spirit used a few people this week to reveal areas in my journey with Christ that I haven't thought deeper about, specifically baptism.  God is really forcing my eyes open, (think about being in a movie theater and walking outside and opening your eyes to daylight) and calling me to lay down my pride as I learn about baptism.  

Thanks again God for revealing yourself this week through Darrell, this series and the community on this Blog!

Week 8 - Hang in there

"What do I do when I find something out about God that I don't like?" This phrase hit me like a ton of bricks. I immediately felt convicted because I would normally cast that question aside because it wasn't a puzzle piece that would fit into my picture of Jesus. If I didn't like what a scripture said, I would bank on finding a new and better interpretation, rather than pursuing the person of Jesus and His ultimate truth. I need to remind myself that He asks me to abide in Him, not to abide in the social construction of Jesus that I have made up.

DJ talks about how we have to hang in there, we have to asks questions to Jesus and ask him for his peace and truth, just like Abraham did. In asking questions, we are displaying to Jesus that we are desiring to know Him more, which I would believe He smiles upon. It makes me think of the relationship that many of my teachers have recently expressed at the beginning of classes. They have said that when we ask them questions, or seek to know a better understanding through doubt and desire, we are giving them the utmost respect because they see the desire in our hearts to be a scholar, and in DJ's sermon case, to be a child of God seeking a deeper friendship, just like Abraham. 

I love how the sermon ended. By keeping our eyes on the person of Jesus and trusting in Him, "It will always take you to the foot of the cross!"

I've lost the vision.

Hey team,

I feel as if I have come full circle since my last post. Which was wayy too long ago. I am actually in my room in SF this time contemplating my life decisions recently. I have now caught up on the sermons, a few in a row and a few multiple times.

This last month or so that I have been on winter break, I have made a lot of decisions. And now that I have listened to the sermon on Functional Atheism. I am so convicted.

I have decided to go to nursing school! Yes, it is exciting but I fear I haven't been as prayerful about it as I should have. I am double enrolled at City College and USF this semester. Also I graduate this May. Yeahhh I'm not sure what I was thinking. Honestly, I laugh at it. I love when DJ says we do this because we know deep down that it contradicts our own abilities and at the same time we don't trust that God is powerful enough. #typicalkenzie #Iusuallycryactually

Which leads me to holding on to the side of the pool that DJ mentions, (or back to my last post) holding on to my suitcase full of the worldly things I fix my eyes on, full of my should have and shouldn't haves.

I have lost the vision. I am impatient with God's timing, I am trying to help Him fulfill His promises for me and I am acting without consulting Him.

I sound like the best team mate right?? **laughs**

"My business degree doesn't feel right to me and I have always felt drawn to nursing so that's what I am doing now." That was my honest logic. It's culturally normal. It's not illegal to change directions or majors. Everyone else defines who they are by their occupation which means I have to too right? If I don't take matters into my own hands nothing is going to go as it should. Just like Sara, it was culturally acceptable to give her maid to her husband.  Or just like when I decide to drink too much. Or lay around all day and watch Netflix. Again, it's culturally acceptable. I'm in college, I'm of age. Everyone is doing it! Oh but at the same time I believe in the living God, I go to church and volunteer in the kid's ministry..... aye aye aye...

Justifying, justifying, justifying.

These should haves and shouldn't haves cause me to cling both arms to the side of the pool skirting God's free flowing mercies and grace, almost to the point of climbing out and moving on with my F. A lifestyle.  I get paralyzed by my decisions and my lack of consulting the true Counselor and my lack of trusting the true Provider. The only one that is truly always with me. He doesn't need any help. He doesn't need my help. I don't want to discredit what the Lord has provided me with thus far or think that none of this has been of His doing but I want to believe in him and trust him and let him take the lead in this dance. I just need to cooperate. How do I do that?

I have decided against new year resolutions and instead I have opted for new day resolutions.
(cheesy I know...) Each day I am going to answer Jesus' knock, ask Him to teach me how to pray, believe it when I say amen and surrender my suitcase and never stop looking at Him.

p.s. I am praying and thinking about you guys always.

Thanks guys!!

- Kenzie

Why do you laugh?

I feel like a broken record, as I move through these sermons there is God showing me, reminding me and pushing me to remember that He is in control. That as much as I want to hold onto the things in my life, my work, my marriage, my parenting, my trips, my finances, that all I have needs to be trusted to the God of the Universe and yet.....more often that I would like to admit I laugh at some of the promises that God has given me just like Sarah. And just like Sarah I am able to look back at my life and see so many times where God has fulfilled a promise, where He has followed through and done what He has said he would do, in fact, He always does that. This has been the theme for these sermons for me......let go and trust. Let go of control and let God carry me. That is such a peaceful thought to allow someone else to talk the helm and direct my life and still I struggle to let go.  I have loved these sermons as they have been so timely in my life with these gentle and not so gentle reminders, that goodness we have a God of grace and forgiveness who daily walks with me and daily reminds me that He is ready to take everything all I have to do is hand it over. 

Hello all!

I just wanted to say that I am slowly but surely catching up on these sermons. Life is crazy right now but, the couple I have listened to so far have been so amazing, and I'm loving reading your posts and seeing your insights.

Looking forward to seeing you all!

Amanda

Seeking to Understand

"What do we do with new insights about God that disturb us?"

"What do we do when God reveals Himself in a way that doesn't fit our paradigm of who He is or how He has revealed Himself before?"

Darrell asked many questions like these throughout the sermon.  I found myself excited and a little scared at the same time.  Just like Sunday/Monday nights during the summer.  Darrells encouragement to us to press into these new revelations of who God is no matter how disturbing or different was encouraging.  So encouraging, that I want to encourage all of us to do the same!

At the Admin retreat we will be staring at a mountain of information and new tasks to be done.  It can be overwhelming.  You may even hear a voice say, "You can't do this!"  BUT I ENCOURAGE you to press into this "new" "disturbing" revelation  of who God is!  Allow Him to blow your mind as He draws near to you in this foreign and disturbing way (usually our pride will be offended).

All of us have preconceived ideas of who God is, how God should act, when God should act, and why God should act...especially when I ask Him to!  A God that can be manipulated by me a mere human is no God at all.  When the one true living God appears and reveals himself to us in a disturbing way that doesn't fit our paradigm we should rejoice!  In radical grace and mercy - God is saving us from ourselves!

"Lord- come and save us from us we pray!"

 

Week 7 - Why Do You Laugh?

When DJ said that the greatest promise God has made is that of a new heaven and a new Earth, I laughed (out loud) because I thought, 'You don't know my heart, DJ! The fact that God has promised to make me perfect is waaay more insane than his promise to make a new heaven and new earth.' Obviously that is not the case, but it's truly how I feel about the insanity that is God's promise of holiness in me. How can I, Torrey, EVER be made clean? God, don't you know what I have done? I know you do, but how are you so confident in your power? I know you have fulfilled this promise for others just like me, but I'm different. If you only could see the darkest parts of my mind, all of the filth and hatred.

And he does see it. And he still promises. And I know he will keep his promise. And there is nothing I can do about it! I can't try and manufacture a quicker result, I can't better my situation to bump me up on the waiting list, and I can't work on my own 'cleaning'. The faith that he calls for is absolutely crazy! But DJ hit it right on the head when he said, 'His promises are all you have to go on right now.' I can't make my own promises. I'll break them every time. I'm the most inconsistent person ever. So we have to trust his promises.

Basically, this plus FA was quite revealing for me. First, God not-so-subtly took me off my high horse and reminded me of how my heart is not naturally inclined to him and disgusting and gross, but then he follows it up with the promise of a heart of flesh. WHAT!? I LOVE YOU, JESUS! I don't always/ever understand you, follow you, trust you, believe you, but I love you! Thank you for your promises!

Week 8 -- Exhilarating, Pulse Thumping Communion with Christ and His Gospel

Darrel’s bidding to step into the deeper wonder and mystery of God and His plan throttled up my excitement and anticipation for the admin retreat and summer.  

Our training suggests that our opinions particularly negative opinions about God or others are often a mirror of what we dislike about our own behaviors and self perceived inadequacies.

My gut reaction and then follow up “non-gut” reaction throughout the message to the question “What do you do when God disturbs you?” WAS “So in other words, Steve, what disturbs you about yourself?”

The logical ties to this gut/non-gut reactions are ….. I am judgmental. My sin is exceedingly grave. I don’t want solidarity with sinners.  I don’t want to endure life’s highest joy and call -- to bear in my body the sins of my enemies.  

Sooooo …. the message definitely quickened in my heart a hunger to live like Jesus lived and love like Jesus loved.

God used Darrel’s defining of the ultimate solidarity to beckon me to the exhilarating, pulse thumping moment of ecstatic communion via love/blood poured out of me for others.  

A tie to today on this point is my son sitting with his Andrew Luck jersey and telling his friends (who called to play multiple times) repeatedly that they can’t come over because he’s  got to watch the game.  His blood & passion for sport was fueled by a communion with game day.  I felt a similar fusion of nitros and blood when I thought of Christ’s “game day.”  Put another way, I felt the fusion of CROSS DAY and for a brief moment I wanted to be swept up into the spectacle of ULTIMATE SOLIDARITY.  

Here is a paraphrased definition of the ultimate solidarity -- God not only became a human being but the representative human being.  Pilate - here is Jesus the king of the jews. Here is Jesus the human race. The whole sinful human race. God became the millions and million of the unrighteous.

Week 6 - FA

Sorry that this post is so late. FA, like a lot of you (which is comforting and I love that we get to walk through this together), wrecked me. Being home has been much harder than I anticipated. Each time I come home it seems to get harder and harder for me to bring Christ into my home. Not that he isn't already present, but I find myself rejecting him, refusing to spend time with him. I get selfish, bitter and angry, and then I wonder why I am not getting along with my family.

Then DJ and God and FA makes it so clear and simple. My heart is not inclined to prayer. I lash out when I am frustrated, instead of pausing to pray. I am tired because I can't sleep but I don't ask God to calm me down. It's so funny because I 'know' the way to 'fix' my problems. I know full well that I can't do things on my own yet for some incredible reason I continue to try. Which is so frustrating! But I am also so glad that the solution is so simple: prayer. When I sit at the foot of the cross and ask God to forgive/change/encourage/energize me, or just sit and listen in silence, I know he is going to show up and work and do crazy things I can't even fathom. It is wonderful knowing that Christ is the one in control, and wonderful knowing that he will consistently draw me back to him, time and time again, when I continue to reject him.

I love that our God is gracious and that I can never lose that grace. I always feel like I have 'understood' God's grace when I receive it. But then I go and end up needing it again and it hits me like a ton of bricks every time. I think my theme for this series might be 'Thank you God that you are not done yet!'

See you guys in 15 days!

Exposing the natural reflex of my heart

Let me just start off by saying that week 6's FA discussion hit hard.  I listened to that sermon 3 times and I have been thinking it over for almost two weeks now.  

"When prayer is no longer the natural reflex of our hearts, it is a sign that the disease of FA has gotten hold of us." Dang. 

I say that I am a follower but am I really letting God lead my life?  When I am nervous, stressed, frustrated, tired, confused, etc, is my first instinct to turn to prayer?  My first thought when hearing this sermon was back to the last blog post I had written - "Over the last few weeks I had been under so much pressure (mainly from myself) to work and study like crazy that I sacrificed time with community and especially time with God.  It was so hard to bring myself to take time away from working, studying, or sleeping to just spend a little time with God ... I deemed other things more important than time spent with my Lord and Savior" - There is my answer: prayer has not been the natural reflex of my heart, self-sufficiency is!  As DJ said, it is a dangerous sign when I am too busy to be still and pray (thinking of that classic training metaphor of the spinning plates right about now) and this made me question the busyness in my life - is it the will of God?  Much of the busyness in my life comes from me trying to fulfill my own will for my life and placing that plan above whatever His might be.  I think something that I deeply struggle with is believing that God CAN do the impossible, that He CAN do things that contradict and exceed my knowledge and ability.  I have this idea that there is so much I need to do before God can really use me and I fail to accept that He can choose to use me at any moment and in any situation - or He can choose not to use me..  It all comes back to letting go and having faith.  Ay ay ay. 

Thankful for this sermon series and the way it is making me critically think about things.  Also so thankful for all of your posts and the way that your thoughts and experiences continue to teach and encourage me.  

Week 7 - Humanly Impossible

Listening to this weeks sermon caused me to try and empathize with the way that Sarai and Abraham would be feeling when they heard from The Lord that they were going to be having a child after decades of trying and now sitting at ages 90 and 99. I realized there was no way I could understand their emotions. When I think of things in my life that are impossible now, they usually revolve around making a pro sports team or getting to bed at an early time, not something that is deemed HUMANLY IMPOSSIBLE, like Sarai and Abraham's promise. So many times in my life, when something is deemed humanly impossible, I tend to count that situation out and never to see it done. By doing this, I subconsciously am saying that The Almighty God can't do it either. The salvation story is one area where something that was deemed humanly impossible, resurrection, was made possible through the promise of Christ. Why is it that I count out the possibility of a similar promise nowadays? The grace that Christ extends to us each and every moment should be deemed humanly impossible, yet Jesus never gives up on us. Trust in HIM Connor, as DJ states, "the promise maker is the promise keeper who can do the impossible". God exceeds all human skill and understanding. Contradicting the situation and exceeding human ability are true of all God has promised. I finally loved the phrase. "Trust Jesus' promises, they are all you need".

Why the [Word Softener] is he laughing?

     When I was in 6th grade I went on the trip of a lifetime.  My grandparents took me on a trip that lasted an entire month!  That was the longest that I have ever been away from my parents.  I was with my grandparents and their friends, who I didn't know… you know the type, FACE PINCHERS.  We went on a tour of France, Italy, Greece and Spain. Like I said, the trip of a LIFETIME!

     Throughout the trip I would be caught laughing hysterically at the conversations my grandparents were having with their friends.  I would laugh every time my grandparents friends would swear.  I was laughing a lot.  I never heard old people (or any people for that matter) talk like that.  I laughed because I was uncomfortable and didn't know what else to do.  They would often ask "why the *bleep* is he laughing?" Causing in me… more laughter. :-\

     I would laugh out loud because I was uncomfortable. I could put myself in Sarah's shoes and hear her laughing (crying) at God's promise. "A 91 year old mother who is past the age of menopause how is that possible?  I'm going to have a son with my husband who is 99 years old and we've been trying to have a kid for a crazy amount of years? " Hearing the question , "is anything too difficult for the Lord?" would have stopped me dead in my laughter.

    Is anything too difficult for the Lord?

    I laugh sometimes because I am uncomfortable. I forget the question the Lord asks of Sarah and I throw myself on myself, only compounding whatever problem I'm facing.  Imagine the laughter Sarah had when she felt her baby kick for the first time.  Sheesh! I am so thankful for the opportunity to journey with you all as we approach the summer.  May I be constantly reminded of His question to Sarah, "Is anything too difficult for the Lord?"

Walking by faith - Why did you laugh?

Let me begin this post by saying............Welcome Amanda Morris to the admin team!  Amanda will be coming on as our Shasta Assistant Director.  The timing around this has made me laugh!  With Katy stepping away many times was I was tempted to throw myself on myself and "fix" the situation with a quick decision.  I was 24 hours away from making a decision which I thought would be good until I "Lifted up my eyes" to see Amanda's name sitting right before me.  The 1 thing that jumped out at me more than anything else in the sermon "Why did you laugh" was the scripture, "Abraham lifted up his eyes and looked, behold, three men were standing opposite him..." Genesis 18:1-2

Multiple times through this journey Abraham has been caught with his "head down."  Focused on his plan, what he thinks will work best, his natural response to societal and cultural norms.  Each time Abraham has made a decision with his "head down" a train wreck has ensued.

I have been coaching Owen's Ice hockey and Roller Hockey teams for the past few months and the number 1 rule in hockey is to keep your head up!  With your head up in hockey, it puts you in a position to see clearly and allow the game to come to you.  The Lord has been speaking to me the past few weeks through Mite 8U hockey....."Reid, keep your head up...lift up your eyes....I am right before you!"

In the name of nobility I can get caught "with my head" down skating through the neutral zone of the off-season (Sorry for those of you who don't know hockey you might be lost).  Out of His abundant grace and Mercy Jesus lays a big "Check" on me to remind me to pick up my head- "Lift up my eyes."

Laughter and tears has been the prized-encouragement for many years at Sonshine to "finish strong!"

This year laughter and tears will be the prized-encouragement to staff to "LIFT UP YOUR EYES!"    

A Youth Pastor, a Driver, and a Bimini

As I listened to this sermon, I was reminded of Genesis 3:16, "To the woman he said, "I will make your pains in childbearing very severe; with painful labor you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you."  Sara laughs when God finally states that He will enable her to give birth to children, and I think it makes sense for two reasons: 1) because, as Darrell says and as is clearly indicated, she has not been able to have a children in several decades; and 2) because God told Eve she would have pain when childbearing, but now Sara cannot even have children and thus is forced to experience the painful labor of shame and a lack of fulfillment.  I would probably laugh too.

Is anything too difficult for the Lord?

Off the top of my head, I don't know if I have ever personally experienced God literally telling me something he was going or not going to do, so in that realm I don't know if I have ever had the occasion to laugh.  However, this sermon did make me think about the "laughable" times during the summer.  

Scenario 1. Difficult Youth Pastor.  Oh yeah, God?  You're still going to be glorified and work in the heart of this Youth Pastor even though he/she complains that the banana is not crazy enough, the food is terrible, the boats are too old, the water is cold, and this trip is not meeting his expectations.  And he says, "Uh,yeah, Josh, take a chill pill, won't you?"  

Is anything too difficult for the Lord?

Scenario 2. Driver Dilemma/Depression.  I'm not connecting with these kids at all.  They don't like me, they won't talk to me, are they learning, why are they here, why am I here, is God working, what's His plan, these kids are just not getting it...

Then Friday/Saturday comes and there are tears and no one wants to leave and it was "the best week of our lives!"

Is anything too difficult for the Lord?

Scenario 3. GOD, HOW AM I GLORIFYING YOU THROUGH SEWING A BIMINI??? OH, YOU'RE GOING TO USE THIS BIMINI???  Personal struggle...

Is anything too difficult for the Lord?

Anyway, I see myself laughing all the time and asking God, "Are you really going to make this happen?," "Are you sure you know what you're doing?," "How do I know?"

He replied, "Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."

Belief in God is predominantly based upon FAITH.  Faith, meaning, it is not always going to be evident at least at first.  But, when you trust in me and possess faith, AS SMALL AS A MUSTARD SEED, nothing will be impossible.

Is anything too difficult for the Lord?

Confessions of a Sign Whore......

An Evil and Adulterous Generation Looks for Signs -- Confessions of a Sign Whore

By the way, this is my first Blog "COMMENT THAT BECAME A POST! Post" for 2015.  If you read the comment, don't waste your time. It's the same thing. 

Nina, You've burned away for me just for a fleeting moment the stubble and revealed (for me) with piercing clarity the only "that" which remains -- FAITH, HOPE, & LOVE. 

I feel at this very point in time you've bypassed so many signs that consume my life -- marriage, kids, reasonable health. These signs proclaim a message. The message is from God and the articulation of the message is, "I love you." Buuuut they are still just signs. They are less than. Less than what? They are less than..... the substance. The substance....communion with Love itself, the creator. 

I am firmly convinced at this unique point in time in your life God has disciplined your heart and mind to forgo (for maybe a moment...this moment!!) dilly dallying with signs (Steve signs -- marriage, kids, & a decent pathology) and to crash headlong into the substance -- abandoned delight in communion with Christ. 

Let's be frank here -- Christ ripped signs. He ripped them because of their numbing potential to deafen ears to God's ecstatic words of love poured out. Christ ripped signs because even for minimalists like myself - (I am kind of a sort of quasi-psuedo minimalist) .. Lets start that sentence again. Even for minimalist Steve, since every inclination of my heart (as a child of Adam) is evil, huge hoarder potential exists in my heart. This hoarder heart psychosis squishes out room for the substance of love which is God God and Jesus (thank goodness) knows it exists in my soul. He knows it and warns against the insidious crowding effect of "sign play" and the lust trap that accompanies.... signs. 

Your post screams (in a more pure way than I personally as a "going through space and time WITH SIGNS traveler" -- could ever understand .... ) 

Redo... 

Your post screams to me "GOD I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! WITH OR WITHOUT SIGNS -- I LOVE YOU AND I AM YOURS." "No hubby sign, I LOVE YOU LORD!" "No great health sign, I ADORE YOU JESUS." No offspring sign, I WANT YOU GOD. I WANT YOU - the substance and author of GOOD to which all GOOD signs point. 

In the darkness, I hold to faith.
In the confusion I shake out the cob webs and numbness with hope. 
In the bleeding tears, I press my face against the sorrow and blood that flow mingled down your torn face my savior. 

Your post preached that proclamation of faith, hope, and intimate communion (love) to me. I know that might seem a stretch but it did. We say that noone graduates from Jesus school but your post is a testimony of a graduate from sign school. 

In summary, your post is an incredibly pure and powerful testimony from a child of God who longs for His presence in the absence of signs. Your image is an eternal image for it is the image of Jesus trusting God in weakness, brokenness, and the abject absence of signs. 

Faith is the substance of things hoped for and Christ in you is the hope of Glory so I'd definitely keep rolling the dice with hope. (I didn't need to remind you of that -- so if you're thinking, "Steve, was that for me?" "No Nina, that was for me.")

One of my favorite "absence of signs" verses in all the bible is Genesis 39:21. When Joseph was completely screwed and abandoned for the umpteenth time while in prison the story goes...... "but the Lord was with Joseph and showed Him steadfast love." That's ultimately the message I felt in your post. As you wrestle in your own prison of questions and admitted disappointment I so much hear you in your story, "But the Lord was with Nina and showed Nina steadfast love." 

In the absence of signs, Nina saw clearly... steadfast love.

Lord Give me eyes that see. 

Week 7 - Laughter and Tears

Laughter and pain.  God tells Sarah she’ll give birth to Isaac. To laughter (recall – laughter is the meaning of Isaac’s name I believe).  She laughs in her pain.  

Summer Connection -- Laughter and tears -- The harvest of hearts poured out on the water each summer --

Romans 9:6-9  6It is not as though God’s word had failed. For not all who are descended from Israel are Israel. 7Nor because they are his descendants are they all Abraham’s children. On the contrary, “It is through Isaac that your offspring will be reckoned.”^b 8In other words, it is not the children by physical descent who are God’s children, but it is the children of the promise who are regarded as Abraham’s offspring.9For this was how the promise was stated: “At the appointed time I will return, and Sarah will have a son.”^c

Isaac is Abraham’s only son.  Jesus is God’s only son. 

Genesis 17:7 – I will establish my covenant as an everlasting covenant between me and you and your descendants after you for the generations to come, to be your God and the God of your descendants after you.

Galatians 3:6-9 6So also Abraham “believed God, and it was credited to him as righteousness.”^c7Understand, then, that those who have faith are children of Abraham. 8Scripture foresaw that God would justify the Gentiles by faith, and announced the gospel in advance to Abraham: “All nations will be blessed through you.”^d 9So those who rely on faith are blessed along with Abraham, the man of faith.

We are Isaac’s offspring.  “Nor because they are his descendants are they all Abraham’s children. On the contrary, ‘It is through Isaac that your offspring will be reckoned.’” Our covenant name is children of laughter. 

Isaac was thrown on an altar to be a living sacrifice.  An Angel stopped his father’s hand. 

On Calvary, God sacrifices His laughter.  No angel stops his hand. God’s laughter….sacrificed.

Laughter and pain.
Laughter and Tears -- The harvest of God’s heart poured out --

Colosians 1:17-20  17He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. 18And he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy.19For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him,20and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross.

This passage in Colosians is the thunder laugh that drowns out (really transforms more than drowns but we’ll say drowns) all tears. 

The deepest story of any story (no matter how hideous, shameful, & tragically hopeless – like seeing your heart’s laugher tortured and killed --) is Christ filling all things with fullness, reconciliation, peace, & supreme victory by His blood --- the harvest of God’s heart poured out.

The inner me is the enemy. No, let’s redo.  The inner Christ in me poured out in sacrificial love is the deepest revelation of fullness, reconciliation, peace and supreme victory. 

The inner Christ in me poured out  is Isaac’s story – laughter and tears. 

The inner Christ in me poured out is hilarious giggling in the face of massive oppression, suffering and impossible odds.

The inner Christ in me poured out is the transforming miracle of the messiah making all things new through His kingdom come in me and through me. 

In other words --- I can’t wait for SUMMER!!!!!!!

Week 7 = Hope vs. Acceptance

 “Contradicting the situation and exceeding human ability are true of everything God has promised.”

 I believe this statement.  I believe that God can do exceedingly more than we could ever dream or imagine and obliterate any human reality, circumstance, or situation.  Yes.  Amen!  The part that is extremely difficult for me to understand, and this is the second time this sermon series has jutted me up against this wall, is what about the deep desires we have that God does not promise us?   I was quite frustrated and a bit heartbroken while listening to this sermon because I kept thinking about the deep, deep desires in my life, and I know that God does not promise them.  The two areas in my life that I desire to see changed and healed have to do with health and marriage.  God does not promise that He will heal our bodies of illness.  Even Paul pleaded with God to remove the “thorn” in his side and, as far as we know, God never promised he would.   Of course He could do it, but He never promised He would.

 “Is this One, who promises us things that awaken hope in us, that we do not embrace able to fulfill His promises?”  When hope is awakened to things that God does not promise, at what point do we embrace the present circumstance and ACCEPT our situation be it the result of a fallen world or a God-given trial?

 A specific example of this is a health situation I have been experiencing for the past five years.  I don’t know if I got this because “life happens” and this is a result of living in a fallen world, or because God put this in my life for a reason….or both!  It doesn’t really matter to me either way.  For a long time I prayed for total healing, people in my church family prayed the same.  After year two, I realized that this disease would be my companion for life. At some point, my mind and emotions reached acceptance, and there was a peace about that new state of being.  This was now becoming part of my story meeting God’s story.   However, the question continues to arise: Do I continue to pray for total healing?  I still do…sometimes.  God does not promise us health.  He does not promise us healing, even when we want it.  Yet, it still remains a deep desire.  I know that God CAN, but He does not promise He will.

 Marriage:  Another deep desire that has been with me longer than the disease.  Seventeen years of desiring something so deeply, yet it is not something that God promises to any of us.  I know He can make marriage happen, but He does not promise it in our lives.  

 A frustration with Sarai arises.  At least she heard a promise!  What about those who do not hear a promise yet have deep desires?  

Psalm 37:14 “Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.”

Is this a promise?  Should it be read, “Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart…that he promises you?”  Again, the conundrum, what do we do with the desires God does not promise?  Are we still to hope?  Or do we accept?   

FA - Right in the heart

Wow.....did this sermon hit right in the heart. As the continued theme for me runs through these sermons this particular one by DJ struck a chord like none of the others have thus far. There were so many parts that challenged me,  pushed my thinking and really made me examine my heart and relationship with Christ right now. It is so easy to get into the routine of life and allow life to take over.

When DJ stated that, "The real problem is the delay of the promise - belief that God has denied the promise', wow, the wind was knocked out of me. There are so many areas in my life where I would not have put these words to it but in fact this was exactly what I was feeling. I would subconsciously believe at times that "since God has delayed I must help God along." How prideful and arrogant. Thank goodness for grace and forgiveness and for God walking with me in this.......I loved the follow up that DJ gave us and there are 2 that I am going to really work on and begin to reflect on regularly.

(1) Do I consult God About my plans? Am I taking time to pray through decision, situations, life circumstances and are Jon and I doing that together?  And I need to self check, have I slipped into the mode of self sufficiency ? Am I too busy to be still and pray (yes this is often true) 

and ......

(2) Am I making conclusions based only on observable facts  - the logical side of me wants to base decisions on what I can see. I am so guilty of this, but I need to trust and rely on experience.....

As this new year begins I am eager to refocus and recenter and allow the craziness of life to not control my life but to rest into the peace of Christ.