Week 6 - FA

Sorry that this post is so late. FA, like a lot of you (which is comforting and I love that we get to walk through this together), wrecked me. Being home has been much harder than I anticipated. Each time I come home it seems to get harder and harder for me to bring Christ into my home. Not that he isn't already present, but I find myself rejecting him, refusing to spend time with him. I get selfish, bitter and angry, and then I wonder why I am not getting along with my family.

Then DJ and God and FA makes it so clear and simple. My heart is not inclined to prayer. I lash out when I am frustrated, instead of pausing to pray. I am tired because I can't sleep but I don't ask God to calm me down. It's so funny because I 'know' the way to 'fix' my problems. I know full well that I can't do things on my own yet for some incredible reason I continue to try. Which is so frustrating! But I am also so glad that the solution is so simple: prayer. When I sit at the foot of the cross and ask God to forgive/change/encourage/energize me, or just sit and listen in silence, I know he is going to show up and work and do crazy things I can't even fathom. It is wonderful knowing that Christ is the one in control, and wonderful knowing that he will consistently draw me back to him, time and time again, when I continue to reject him.

I love that our God is gracious and that I can never lose that grace. I always feel like I have 'understood' God's grace when I receive it. But then I go and end up needing it again and it hits me like a ton of bricks every time. I think my theme for this series might be 'Thank you God that you are not done yet!'

See you guys in 15 days!