The last couple months of my life have been filled with questions of the future, with unknowns and with fears. Job searching had taken over my thoughts and I was consumed by doubt and fear of what God had planned for me after graduation. In the midst of that, I knew my heart longed to be out on the water again this summer. So I was trying to devise ways that I could make that happen. "If only I could get this job, and then stay there for this long, then they'll let me have my summer off." But there was still so much that was unknown. During that time I was hearing God telling me to wait for Him, to wait and trust. And when I got a call from the company I was hoping to work for (and actually just started working for yesterday - woohoo!), I was relieved. I thought that all the anxiety, all the fear, and all the unknown would be gone. God was calling me into this new place, promising His blessings (just as he did with Abram). But truthfully, those feelings - yup, still here. It's still so unknown. I still feel like I'm ill-equipped and too inexperienced to be working right now (but hey, that's how I felt going into serving at Sonshine too - and that seemed to go okay...I think!). I still think about what this internship may or may not turn into in terms of long term jobs. I still think about the unknowns of life, and it still freaks me out.
But, in this new stage of life, in the midst of the unknown I hear God's call to "Followership" like Reid talked about. This is the conversation I hear myself having with Him (similar to Reid's...but more personal!)
God: Come and follow me.
Me: Does that mean I'll be on the water this summer?
God: Just follow.
Me: Can I stay in SLO?
God: Just follow.
Me: But I'm not ready for "working life" yet?
God: Just follow.
Me: I don't even have housing for January.
God: Trust and follow me.
I'm reminded of the story in John 1 where Jesus' disciples ask him where he is staying that night and his response is "Come and you'll see."
Come with me into your new office. Come with me into your last few weeks of school. Come with me into your new housing situation. Come with me in leading your high school small group. Come with me in leading the college group. Come with me into this summer [where ever you will be].
Come and you'll see. Journey with me.
My performance-based self hates that so much. Because I just want to do things. I want to make things work. But as DJ said in the sermon - those things I desire, those things I try to do on my own, only he can do them, and he says he will do them, according to his plan and in his timing.
It's so simple, but oftentimes so hard. "Just follow."
I love the invitational quality you bring to "just follow." Captures the celebratory rhythm by which the Kingdom advances. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteGod has a way of giving us just enough, doesn't He? He gives us a small, steady whisper that is not specific, but just enough to keep us putting one foot in front of the other and trust.
ReplyDeleteKaty - I just have to affirm you and what God has done in you these last few years...especially last year! As I was reading your post I was thinking to myself, "There is no way this is Katy sharing all this!" God has cracked open your heart and an outflow of feelings and thoughts has poured out. Truly you are in an enchanted place. Love reading your story of trust and hope. A modern day Abraham and Sarah if you will!!!!
ReplyDeleteKaty! Reading this post reminds me of the conversation we had a few weeks ago when I was questioning what I would be doing this summer. You encouraged me so much in that conversation to just follow - you reminded me that no matter what I chose, no matter where I was, God would be in that place and using that place. So now I want to affirm you and remind you that no matter where you are this summer -whether on the water or at work in slo - God will use you in that place to advance his kingdom and to grow your character! Still praying for you on this journey!
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