Exposing the natural reflex of my heart

Let me just start off by saying that week 6's FA discussion hit hard.  I listened to that sermon 3 times and I have been thinking it over for almost two weeks now.  

"When prayer is no longer the natural reflex of our hearts, it is a sign that the disease of FA has gotten hold of us." Dang. 

I say that I am a follower but am I really letting God lead my life?  When I am nervous, stressed, frustrated, tired, confused, etc, is my first instinct to turn to prayer?  My first thought when hearing this sermon was back to the last blog post I had written - "Over the last few weeks I had been under so much pressure (mainly from myself) to work and study like crazy that I sacrificed time with community and especially time with God.  It was so hard to bring myself to take time away from working, studying, or sleeping to just spend a little time with God ... I deemed other things more important than time spent with my Lord and Savior" - There is my answer: prayer has not been the natural reflex of my heart, self-sufficiency is!  As DJ said, it is a dangerous sign when I am too busy to be still and pray (thinking of that classic training metaphor of the spinning plates right about now) and this made me question the busyness in my life - is it the will of God?  Much of the busyness in my life comes from me trying to fulfill my own will for my life and placing that plan above whatever His might be.  I think something that I deeply struggle with is believing that God CAN do the impossible, that He CAN do things that contradict and exceed my knowledge and ability.  I have this idea that there is so much I need to do before God can really use me and I fail to accept that He can choose to use me at any moment and in any situation - or He can choose not to use me..  It all comes back to letting go and having faith.  Ay ay ay. 

Thankful for this sermon series and the way it is making me critically think about things.  Also so thankful for all of your posts and the way that your thoughts and experiences continue to teach and encourage me.