The Next Step in this Journey of Faith - Letting Go

This week's sermon absolutely wrecked me. Just from reading the title my first thought was "uh-oh." And then...I listened to it twice just to make sure I was hearing the right things. God spoke to me so clearly through this message - and I'm going to try to do my best to bring you guys along in the journey I was on this week.

I'll just cut right to the chase - and then do some back-filling of my thoughts and feelings. I have heard God so clearly say to me this week, "Go from Sonshine, the ministry you love so much, the experiences you've had there, go to the place I will show you." He's asked me the question, "Are you willing to let go of Sonshine in order to hold onto me?"

This is seriously one of the hardest blog posts I have ever had to write - and one of the hardest, but also one of the most clear, decisions I have ever had to make.

Starting a few weeks ago, I started wrestling with God about this summer. (Well, let's be honest...that started more than a few weeks ago.) I started feeling like I was just trying to force this summer to happen. Like I've talked about before - it was all about what I could do to make it work. I felt like I was holding on too tightly to what I wanted. Before Nor Cal interviews I almost made the phone call to back down for the summer - but I was in too much denial about closing the door, so I continued to throw myself on myself and see if I could still make it happen. And being at interviews, around people I love, the ministry I love, made me totally suppress those feelings. I was back in, I was going to talk to my boss and figure out what this summer would look like.

And then this week happened. Darrell's sermon made all those thoughts come back - and that's when God started speaking. "You think Sonshine is your security. Sonshine is not your security. Katy, let go of everything but me. Relinquish control of the future. Are you willing to let go of Sonshine so you can hold onto nothing but me?"

And guys - He's spoken so clearly this time, that I just can't ignore it.

I sit here typing this, with tears streaming down my face, and it feels like mourning the loss of a friend. To think that for the first time in 5 years I won't be on the water this summer kills me.

Sonshine is the place where I really discovered who Jesus is. Sonshine is the place where I really discovered who I am. Sonshine is the place where I learned what true service and love looks like. Sonshine is the place where I felt invested in and cared for. Sonshine is the place where I met my best friends. Sonshine is the place that modeled to me what living a life passionate for Jesus and his Kingdom looks like.

It's hard for me to imagine right now not being in that place. The place that single-handedly (but through many different people) changed my life forever.

So right now, I hear Jesus saying these things to me. "Katy, let go. Cling to me. Lift up your eyes. Come and see. Grab onto me."

Reid talked in his post about untying the ropes of a houseboat and looking up to see petrified drivers on their way out of the 5 zone. Right now I feel like I'm untying the ropes and looking up only to realize that I'm actually on the boat, alone, watching the docks (the place I feel most comfortable) get further and further away. And I have absolutely no idea where I'm going. I don't even feel like I know how to drive the thing, much less how to navigate the waters of life.

DJ said in his sermon, we gain by letting go. And if I'm being completely honest - the only thing I'm feeling right now is loss. I can only hope, and trust, that the "gain" will someday be revealed.



Thanks for letting me journey with you guys for the last 5 weeks. There's no other group of people that I would have wanted to do it with. Love you guys a lot!